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Charlie’s Message

Charlie’s Message

[Written in 2003 and just found recently]

E: Tell me again Uncle Charly.  I am just not getting it.


No, of course you’re not, and there-in lies the problem on so many levels.  You’re not getting it.  I’m not sure if you will ever understand it.  And that’s scary.


But that’s it.  I don’t see what the big deal is.  People will still keep doing what they’re doing now.


You’d think… but it’s not that easy.


That’s what I still don’t understand.




I understand you’re patronizing me, that much I know.


I suppose I was.  That was uncalled for.  I’ll try once more to relate it.  You know about the birds and the bees?


I thought you were going to stop patronizing me.


You’re right.  You would see it that way, but in fact, I was asking a legitimate question.  Every animal on earth has a place in “life” that seems to work out pretty well.  There are different breeds within any species that seem to instinctively be better at some tasks than others, through breeding or natural selection over time.


Like Some dogs can herd sheep with little training?


Yes, and some obviously can’t.


Ok Uncle Charlie.  I’m with you so far.


Lots of species have different breeds, like the ants or bees with the queen bees and drones and workers. The animal kingdom has tens of thousands of variations.




Well, so do humans.  We just never admitted it before.


That’s where I lose you Uncle Charlie.  We’re all humans. We’ve been educated our whole lives that we are all the same and should be treated equally.


We should be treated as equals, but we’re defiantly not equal.


But aren’t we always told we can be anything we want to be?




Are you saying that’s a lie?


Well, I’m not saying it.  I wouldn’t call it a lie.  It’s not a scientific impossibility, but humans certainly have breeds, and different breeds are better at some things than others.


Oh… like the Jocks and the Nerds.


That’s the best analogy you could have come up with.  Like the Jocks and the Nerds.  You know when you meet somebody who’s not going to be the President.  Some people are just better at learning.  Personalities and skills both contribute, but I’m telling you it’s something you’re born with.


So I was born a nerd, and there isn’t anything I can do about it?


Well Eric… I wouldn’t say you’re a nerd.  That’s where I start to lose you.  Your brain isn’t quite developed enough to comprehend what’s coming.  The change.


Well I never understood this much before.  These analogies to animals helped.  It seems to make sense that humans are just a different animal. Some are better at some things than others.


Very few people want to admit that.  It’s scary.


Why do you keep saying it’s scary.  All you’ve told me is the idea that humans have breeds and we’re not all created equal afterall.


Right, but the point is, our survival is based on this balance of different brains.  Society as we know it is a fine balance of the percentages of different breeds to keep everybody happy.  Worker drones, and the Queen Bees.


Yeah Yeah… so what is the change.


Well, we accidentally-


Oh Oh…   Nothing good ever comes after those opening words.


Well, lots of things have been accidents.  Post it notes, Velcro –


Don’t change the topic.  What is the change?


We wiped out Type A and B brains.


Wiped out?


Well, not now… but in the future.  We didn’t knowit at the time, but apparently olives change male semen just enough to not produce Type A brains…  With B brains it was Jolt Cola.


(Eric makes airplane sound and waves his hand over his head to signify; Over my head)


No babies with A brains and B brains are being born.  At all.  Not one in the last 15 years.

Everybody under the age of 15 is a type C brain.  More than a whole generation’s worth.


And that’s bad?


That’s bad.  Very bad.


Is it really bad, or are you just scared we’re smarter than you think?


You can be very smart.  It’s not a smart issue.  It’s just different.  You said it.  Over your head.  But you don’t need to understand why.  Just understand that the whole world is going to change.


But Uncle Charlie.  It would have changed anyway.  It always does.  Every parent has the same fear.  The world will be different for thier kids than it was for them. That’s what evolution is.  We adapt.  The only difference is, now somebody noticed it in a lab.  It never mattered to the C brains, and we’re happy.  In many ways, the happiest.  Change may be scary, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.  Evolution is just God’s beta testing.  Whatever that is. Every generation; a new version. 


Wow.  I would have never thought of it that way.


Exactly Uncle Charlie.  Exactly. 





WATER – Frequently Asked Questions

WATER – Frequently Asked Questions

I used to read articles in the newsgroups before the Internet really took off.  Many were informative but many were for fun.

This one… you can decide for yourself.  This is not my work. It was just shared with me recently from my old collection of text files.

“WATER” Frequently Asked Questions – alt.drugs
Version 0.5b – June 4, 1994
This file is intended to answer typical questions about Water to reduce traffic on alt.drugs. This FAQ is continually maintained; new information about Water should be mailed to “”.

1) What is Water?
2) Is Water dangerous?
3) Can I put Water in my bong?
4) A FOAF got some laced Water. How frequently does this happen? 5) How is Water synthesized?
6) Is homebrewed “bathtub” Water as effective as “the real thing?” 7) What is ‘kind’ Water?
8) Are there different types of Water? 9) What is the LD50 of Water?
A1) Descriptions of Water ‘trips’ A2) Street Prices, June 3, 1994
A3) International Legality Update A4) List of Contributors

1) What is Water?

Water, W, Hot Ice, Liquid Crystal… all these “street” terms
refer to the same substance, known chemically as H20. Water is a highly addictive and toxic chemical, which in its natural state is completely
odorless, tasteless, and clear.

2) Is Water dangerous?

Yes. A scientific survey recently concluded that every creature on earth contains Water, and almost every creature imbibes more during
its life. Moreover, every animal that has ever ingested this substance has invariably tried to get more. Organisms unable to get more Water
show signs of withdrawal, or “dehydration,” and eventually die. Organisms that ingest more Water inevitably die anyway.
Aside from the biological considerations, remember that Water is composed of Hydrogen and Oxygen, which are used together as rocket fuel. Enough cannot be said about the volatile nature of this chemical.

3) Can I put Water in my bong?

Mixing drugs is never recommended, but if you must attempt this, note the following:

-Water acts as a coolant and filter. You are likely to get larger, smoother hits than normal.

-Water may actually blend into the smoke, imparting its own qualities to the hit.

-Water may splash up and get in your mouth. Yuck.

4) A FOAF got some laced Water. How frequently does this happen?
Almost all Water contains some contaminants. Generally, since
Water has no taste or odor, the presence of either of these may indicate foreign substances. Water is so strong, and so cheap to produce,
that the story of the dealer who dusted his grass to make it salable doesn’t really apply.

5) How is Water synthesized?

The simplest synthesis is as follows:
-Fill a pot from the kitchen tap.
-Boil for fifteen minutes.
The Water is now suitable for ingestion.
Steve J. Quest gives a more involved recipe yielding a higher-grade intoxicant:

Preparation of Hydrogen Oxide (Water) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Erlenmeyer flask is first filled with a few grams of zinc
metal chips and is then fitted with a two hole rubber stopper. A thistle tube is introduced through one hole and pushed to a
level where the end of the tube is just above the zinc chips. A rubber tube is introduced through the other hole and connected to a horizontal copper pipe filled with loose fitting chunk
cupric oxide. The other end of the copper pipe is connected to a Liebig condenser mounted in a distilling fashion (open end
pointing down) which is suspended above a capture beaker.
A bunsen flame is placed under the cupric oxide reaction pipe, and any kind of cold liquid is allowed to circulate through the condenser. (some would use cold tap Water, but I can not
recommend that procedure here due to legalities involved.)
Sufficient quantities of concentrated sulfuric acid are then
introduced through the thistle tube to completely cover the zinc chips to a level ABOVE the end of the thistle tube. Condensation will start to occur within the condenser and run out into the
beaker. The crude product represents a technical grade of hydrogen oxide, suitable for recreational purposes.

The reaction sequence is as follows:
Zn + H2SO4 -> ZnSO4 + H2 H2 + CuO -> Cu + H2O

6) Is homebrewed “bathtub” Water as effective as “the real thing?”
In the author’s opinion, “bathtub” Water (“slosh”) will never be able to compete with legendary types like Owsley, Naya, and Perrier,
but there is of course a certain satisfaction in synthesizing your own.

7) What is ‘kind’ Water?

According to Peter McDermott:
There are actually two major kinds. ‘Soft’ Water and ‘Hard’
Water. The ‘soft’ Water does less damage (to kettles, pipes, etc.) but the hard Water is a better hit.

Some people argue that there is something called a ‘gatevalve’
syndrome, where some people who begin on the relatively harmless ‘soft’ Water are likely to escalate to the hard stuff. However, this isn’t true of every body. Personally, I’ve been drinking
soft Water for years without ever trying anything harder.

8) Are there different types of Water?
Christopher K. Koenigsberg explains:
There are apparently variations in the chemical makeup of W sold in stores, so someone should look into this for the FAQ (W’s still available over the counter, no prescription
necessary, not yet regulated by the FDA, nor scheduled by the DEA, I guess? How much longer before they catch on? Maybe we should be more cautious and not talk about it so openly,
before they start having congressional hearings or something?)
For example I’ve seen W labelled “Steam Distilled” but on the same shelf also seen W labelled “Drinking Water” and even
“Spring Water”, and a more expensive kind for Babies (yes they are even hooking innocent infants) and there may or may not be differences beyond just the labels and packaging. There are
variations in the price even for the same kind of stuff, the local store brand is always the cheapest, regional “Artesian Wells” etc. are more expensive, and the imported kind is most expensive.

There are vending machines outside some grocery stores (hey! you don’t even have to show an ID to prove your age!) which will disburse W either Distilled or for Drinking, into your own choice of unlabelled container (so you can pretend it’s
something else). And the Drinking kind supposedly has mineral additives. I don’t know if this is Strychnine, among the
additives, which maybe causes the cramps when you drink too
much, too fast, or too cold…. but I hear that’s just a myth.

9) What is the LD50 of Water?

REC-WMN LDLO:180 GM/KG/28H JAMAAP 104,1569,35 IPR-MUS LD50:190 GM/KG NTIS** AD628-313
NOHS 1974: HZD M1000; NIS 561; TNF 436805; NOS 294; TNE 7313166
NOES 1983: HZD M1000; NIS 500; TNF 313467; NOS 324; TNE 8785413; TFE 3032116
4180 MG/KG ( ) ( )
> 99999 MG/KG (IPR-MUS)

This is of course in mice and may not apply directly to humans. W can be very dangerous, so play nice and be safe.

APPENDIX 1: Descriptions of Water ‘trips’ and usage

Kevin Jernigan, alt.drugs #85634:
I drank Water for the first time at a party last night, and it was great!! Some of my friends who do W told me about the
experience earlier, but I now realize that it was beyond my wildest expectations. I was a little bit scared, at first, because I heard about some of the bad side effects that it can cause. A few people said they choked on it, and one guy said that he dribbled it all

over his clothes and got them wet. Luckily, none of these things happened to me. They started passing glasses around to everyone and I decided to take one

The Water was very clear in color. They said it was scored from a guy who got it from a spring in Canada. I don’t know whether it was really Canadian Water, but it was definitely good quality,
judging by the color. I used about 500g of it. When I put the
glass up to my mouth, and swallowed, the first sensation I felt was of something wet traveling down my throat. This sensation started before I had even removed the glass from my mouth. I was able to
acheive the same feeling again, by taking another swallow. As the trip progressed, I noticed several other things. The W produced a state of mind that I believe could best be described as a lack of thirst. The trip didn’t last for very long, but I think that it
would be safe to say that the experience gave me some important insights into my consciousness. Chief among these, is the
realization that Water can relieve thirst.

Ray Mialki, email contribution:
Although I don’t partake, some of my neighbours down quite a bit of the stuff, filling swimming pools and such. I use it in great moderation, not even having an outside hose spigot to wash the car with. Daily
showers seem to be my habitual use.

Peter McDermott, alt.drugs #unknown:
A recent major survey (n=1) has showed that Water addiction runs in families. At present, NIDA funded scientists are working flat out on the genesis of this crippling condition.

Unlike other addictions, W abuse is believed to affect all sections of society, rich and poor alike. However, scientists have discovered that a gene may well be responsible for a predisposition to drinking W.

Although 12 step ‘W’ recovery programmes have been around for some time
now, major cities have begun to witness a growth in self-help programs for Adult Children of Waterholics. “Henry” is a member of such a group.

“Well, I’ve just got so much rage about this, y’know? I was never able to confront them about it at the time. I thought that drinking Water was normal.

Now I’m angry. Ours is a sick culture. The French would never dream of exposing their children to ‘W’ at dinner. There, the kids go from breast milk to wine. But every single day, there it was, sitting at the dinner table in front of me. Of course, they wouldn’t let me have any, but after watching them do it, I saw where they got it from. I began sneaking to the tap, and taking a sip. Before I knew where I was I was into the hard
stuff – you know, Water sports. Baths, showers, stuff like that.

Well, eventually, I hit bottom. I out in town and the craving came on me and I found myself licking it up from puddles. Then it was toilet bowls. There are no wells too deep for the ‘W’
addict. So I went and got help. I’ve been in recovery for
like.. 3 days now, but I wasn’t making any progress. Then my therapist told me about A CoW and since then, it’s been
nothing but milk. And not mother’s milk either…”
However, not everybody accepts that ‘W’ use is a problem. ‘Mary’ has been using ‘W’ for a month now. She feels that the dangers of ‘W’ have been
much exaggerated.

“It’s all propaganda, isn’t it? I’ve been doing ‘W’ for ages now, and it’s just a bit of a buzz, innit. It’s
harmless man. There isn’t a single study that *proves* ‘W” has any effect on the bladder, and as for people who say it makes you piss. Well, they are just dirty minded. As I
said, I’ve been doing ‘W’ for a month, and I’ve never had a piss, ever.

We’ve started a pressure group called ‘Fair Play for Water’ and
it’s our aim to force the government to tell the truth about ‘W’. If there are risks, tell us what they are, and how we can minimize them. Prohibition doesn’t work. The government knows that. Why
else would they have repealed the laws against heroin and cocaine? Unfortunately, there are political careers to be made out of that issue. Vote Libertarian. Privatise the Water companies. Stop all government regulation of Water now!!!!

APPENDIX 2: Street Prices, June 4, 1993

Chicago, IL, North Shore Area
-Typical Naya, $1 US per liter.
Springdale Township, Pennsylvania $5 per 1000 gallons.

APPENDIX 3: International Legality Update

In Europe W is becoming something of a threat real fast. I myself have witnessed tourists trying to score W desperately the last couple
of hot days here this week. As of yet there is no shortage of W, but I’ve heard that in Greece it’s getting scary.
The police are starting to recognise this situation and have called for more forces on the street, weeding out W-pushers and sentencing them to severe punishments straight away!

APPENDIX 4: Contributors

Kevin Jernigan ( Chris Klausmeier (
Ray Mialki (
Steve J. Quest ( Peter McDermott (
Christopher K. Koenigsberg (
And to all you whose headers got chopped, my apologies.

It’s not real money. It’s Monopoly Money

It’s not real money. It’s Monopoly Money

I take a drug called Paxil for obsession. I missed one day and had the most obsessive dreams I could imagine. I woke up just now at 6 minutes to 6 am from an obsessive nightmare.

My things were gone. All the useless things. The things I’d been collecting.

I had bought a beautiful wooden chest that had a variety of drawer sizes from small to large, tall and thin. In each drawer, a collection of things, mostly useless. Random things. I remember most vividly, the fake money from tabletop board games. Every conceivable denomination from Monopoly to Masterpiece. I spent much of the dream sorting stacks of mixed currencies into their appropriate size and colour stacks.

Sorting newspaper clippings from old advertising and celebrity autographs on all sorts of assorted papers.

I had taken over the whole living room floor with little piles of paper and clumps of various clutter. When anyone would ask why, I’d answer; why not, as if that were a perfectly acceptable response to the situation. Every now and then, I’d sneak in the question; do you think that’d be worth anything on eBay, knowing full well I had no intention of selling. I suppose it was a mild comfort that my stack of 237 Masterpiece green 1 million dollar bills might actually have a real world value anywhere but inside my mind.

The cabinet itself was beautiful. I opened each drawer with joy as I showed off the treasures in each to the spectators that had gathered around my mess. I’d open one and it would contain some oddity I’d be impressed with. Usually, they just didn’t get me. They failed to share my joy. The dream started to fail me from there.

Self-doubt – the second voice that ruins everything brings with it the feelings of guilt. I see the situation with perspective and suddenly the carpeted floor has been turned over like a farmer’s field after harvesting the season’s corn, refreshed in the spring to be reborn as a new crop. The floor had been rototilled into mud,  and all my stuff was mixed among the freshly tilled dirt like an archeologist dig, lost under a fresh level of topsoil. 

When I spotted items from my real life memories including some Lego pieces I owned, I realized they’d destroyed stuff from all my cabinets too, not just the obsessive collection, I started to really freak out and cry.

Then I awoke, adjusted back to reality, found it mildly amusing and started to write this down.

I know I forgot a lot, including the moment a horse walked into the house and was going to need up the piles, but that seemed so non sequitur, I didn’t understand how it fits in, in either reality.

I think I better renew my prescription today.

If I go another day without, I may experience something oddly similar happening in my real life. I already have a few oddly random collections of things.


“It’s not real money. It’s Monopoly money” is an obscure quote I frequently use from the odd movie; What’s up Tiger Lily”. To date, nobody has ever recognized the line. 


Bitcoin Threats

Bitcoin Threats

So far, he has not replied to my reply:

I found your email this morning quite funny since I actually run a webcam 24/7 in my bedroom and anyone can watch me walk around nude, or masturbate. If you send a video to my contacts, you would be doing me a favour. Free promotion.

Of course, we both know the claim is fraudulent anyway since I received no less than 7 of these generic bulk messages over the past year. Most of them were in my spam folders. I actually had to go looking for this, just so I could use your content in my humour blog.

Thanks for the free content. You may be evil, but you’re also hilarious.

On 2019-01-17 21:58



Hi perv,

The last time you visited a p0rnographic website with teens,
you downloaded and installed software I developed.

My program has turned on your camera and recorded
the process of your masturbation.

My software has also downloaded all your email contact lists
and a list of your friends on Facebook.

I have both the ‘Web.mp4’ with your masturbation
as well as a file with all your contacts on my hard drive.

You are very perverted!

If you want me to delete both the files and keep the secret,
you must send me Bitcoin payment. I give you 72 hours for payment.

If you don’t know how to send Bitcoins, visit Google.

Send 2.000 USD to this Bitcoin address immediately:

(copy and paste)

1 BTC = 3,580 USD right now, so send exactly 0.565678 BTC
to the address provided above.

Do not try to cheat me!
As soon as you open this Email I will know you opened it.

This Bitcoin address is linked to you only,
so I will know if you sent the correct amount.
When you pay in full, I will remove the files and deactivate my program.

If you don’t send the payment, I will send your masturbation video
to ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES from your contact list I hacked.

Here are the payment details again:

Send 0.565678 BTC to this Bitcoin address:


You саn visit police but nobody will help you. I know what I am doing.
I don’t live in your country and I know how to stay anonymous.

Don’t try to deceive me – I will know it immediately – my spy ware is
recording all the websites you visit and all keys you press.
If you do – I will send this ugly recording to everyone you know,
including your family.

Don’t cheat me! Don’t forget the shame and if you ignore this message your
life will be ruined.

I am waiting for your Bitcoin payment.

If you need more time to buy and send 0.565678 BTC,
open your notepad and write ’48h plz’.
I will consider giving you another 48 hours before I release the vid.

Anonymous Hacker

The script of my Dream

The script of my Dream

I dream quite a lot, primarily because I tend to sleep quite a lot. I often remember them when I wake and sometimes they’re worth writing down or posting to Facebook. Today I decided to blog my dream because it relates to my web site in a way.

On my home site I have a number of royalty-free simple comedy scripts that seem quite popular. I released the skits to public domain and because they require no set or costumes, they’ve been performed all over the world by schools and other groups. It’s a pride point. 

In my dream last night, I had written a new script and I remember parts of it. My dream circle of friends liked it and wanted to perform it, but the school project only allowed them a day to get everything together. The director was a bossy woman and decided to make a number of changes to the script. She added more “jokes” and changed all sorts of things. I decided to dissociate myself and just film the final performance, which was to happen in the classroom later that same night.

I’m torn, because I enjoy watching other people interpret my scripts, and I allow any changes as needed, but at the same time, I want everyone to know the words are not mine. I cringe when a Trans Am is used instead of a Camper truck, and a lame joke about there being bugs around the dinner table distracts from the story for no apparent reason. 

I’m off crying in the background as people try to shower me with thank yous and congratulations as the play won the competition. I woke up wondering if this was a dream I classify as a nightmare or a fantasy.