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It’s not real money. It’s Monopoly Money

It’s not real money. It’s Monopoly Money

I take a drug called Paxil for obsession. I missed one day and had the most obsessive dreams I could imagine. I woke up just now at 6 minutes to 6 am from an obsessive nightmare.

My things were gone. All the useless things. The things I’d been collecting.

I had bought a beautiful wooden chest that had a variety of drawer sizes from small to large, tall and thin. In each drawer, a collection of things, mostly useless. Random things. I remember most vividly, the fake money from tabletop board games. Every conceivable denomination from Monopoly to Masterpiece. I spent much of the dream sorting stacks of mixed currencies into their appropriate size and colour stacks.

Sorting newspaper clippings from old advertising and celebrity autographs on all sorts of assorted papers.

I had taken over the whole living room floor with little piles of paper and clumps of various clutter. When anyone would ask why, I’d answer; why not, as if that were a perfectly acceptable response to the situation. Every now and then, I’d sneak in the question; do you think that’d be worth anything on eBay, knowing full well I had no intention of selling. I suppose it was a mild comfort that my stack of 237 Masterpiece green 1 million dollar bills might actually have a real world value anywhere but inside my mind.

The cabinet itself was beautiful. I opened each drawer with joy as I showed off the treasures in each to the spectators that had gathered around my mess. I’d open one and it would contain some oddity I’d be impressed with. Usually, they just didn’t get me. They failed to share my joy. The dream started to fail me from there.

Self-doubt – the second voice that ruins everything brings with it the feelings of guilt. I see the situation with perspective and suddenly the carpeted floor has been turned over like a farmer’s field after harvesting the season’s corn, refreshed in the spring to be reborn as a new crop. The floor had been rototilled into mud,  and all my stuff was mixed among the freshly tilled dirt like an archeologist dig, lost under a fresh level of topsoil. 

When I spotted items from my real life memories including some Lego pieces I owned, I realized they’d destroyed stuff from all my cabinets too, not just the obsessive collection, I started to really freak out and cry.

Then I awoke, adjusted back to reality, found it mildly amusing and started to write this down.

I know I forgot a lot, including the moment a horse walked into the house and was going to need up the piles, but that seemed so non sequitur, I didn’t understand how it fits in, in either reality.

I think I better renew my prescription today.

If I go another day without, I may experience something oddly similar happening in my real life. I already have a few oddly random collections of things.


“It’s not real money. It’s Monopoly money” is an obscure quote I frequently use from the odd movie; What’s up Tiger Lily”. To date, nobody has ever recognized the line. 


Bitcoin Threats

Bitcoin Threats

So far, he has not replied to my reply:

I found your email this morning quite funny since I actually run a webcam 24/7 in my bedroom and anyone can watch me walk around nude, or masturbate. If you send a video to my contacts, you would be doing me a favour. Free promotion.

Of course, we both know the claim is fraudulent anyway since I received no less than 7 of these generic bulk messages over the past year. Most of them were in my spam folders. I actually had to go looking for this, just so I could use your content in my humour blog.

Thanks for the free content. You may be evil, but you’re also hilarious.

On 2019-01-17 21:58



Hi perv,

The last time you visited a p0rnographic website with teens,
you downloaded and installed software I developed.

My program has turned on your camera and recorded
the process of your masturbation.

My software has also downloaded all your email contact lists
and a list of your friends on Facebook.

I have both the ‘Web.mp4’ with your masturbation
as well as a file with all your contacts on my hard drive.

You are very perverted!

If you want me to delete both the files and keep the secret,
you must send me Bitcoin payment. I give you 72 hours for payment.

If you don’t know how to send Bitcoins, visit Google.

Send 2.000 USD to this Bitcoin address immediately:

(copy and paste)

1 BTC = 3,580 USD right now, so send exactly 0.565678 BTC
to the address provided above.

Do not try to cheat me!
As soon as you open this Email I will know you opened it.

This Bitcoin address is linked to you only,
so I will know if you sent the correct amount.
When you pay in full, I will remove the files and deactivate my program.

If you don’t send the payment, I will send your masturbation video
to ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES from your contact list I hacked.

Here are the payment details again:

Send 0.565678 BTC to this Bitcoin address:


You саn visit police but nobody will help you. I know what I am doing.
I don’t live in your country and I know how to stay anonymous.

Don’t try to deceive me – I will know it immediately – my spy ware is
recording all the websites you visit and all keys you press.
If you do – I will send this ugly recording to everyone you know,
including your family.

Don’t cheat me! Don’t forget the shame and if you ignore this message your
life will be ruined.

I am waiting for your Bitcoin payment.

If you need more time to buy and send 0.565678 BTC,
open your notepad and write ’48h plz’.
I will consider giving you another 48 hours before I release the vid.

Anonymous Hacker

The script of my Dream

The script of my Dream

I dream quite a lot, primarily because I tend to sleep quite a lot. I often remember them when I wake and sometimes they’re worth writing down or posting to Facebook. Today I decided to blog my dream because it relates to my web site in a way.

On my home site I have a number of royalty-free simple comedy scripts that seem quite popular. I released the skits to public domain and because they require no set or costumes, they’ve been performed all over the world by schools and other groups. It’s a pride point. 

In my dream last night, I had written a new script and I remember parts of it. My dream circle of friends liked it and wanted to perform it, but the school project only allowed them a day to get everything together. The director was a bossy woman and decided to make a number of changes to the script. She added more “jokes” and changed all sorts of things. I decided to dissociate myself and just film the final performance, which was to happen in the classroom later that same night.

I’m torn, because I enjoy watching other people interpret my scripts, and I allow any changes as needed, but at the same time, I want everyone to know the words are not mine. I cringe when a Trans Am is used instead of a Camper truck, and a lame joke about there being bugs around the dinner table distracts from the story for no apparent reason. 

I’m off crying in the background as people try to shower me with thank yous and congratulations as the play won the competition. I woke up wondering if this was a dream I classify as a nightmare or a fantasy.

The Lava Lamps

The Lava Lamps

Last day of 2018 – I did it!

I’ve had a webcam and a Lava Lamp in my office or bedroom since I discovered the original X10 boxes. Some of you may remember X10. For a while, their ads were plastered everywhere. My roommate at the time wrote a small utility to activate the plugs from a web-based click. Those X10 boxes still exist, but they’re cheaply built and the ones I had for the control box all broke.

Rather than buying another cheap X10 box, I wanted to figure out a way to get the Lava Lamps (now in 3 sizes around my room) to work using the new SMART PLUG technology. The ones that work with Google Assistant, Siri, Bixby and Alexa.

It took me over a month to finally figure out how to do it. My first attempt was successful but irritating. I actually had the web links play a small WAV sound file of my voice saying; “OK Google, Turn on the Lava Lamps”. IT worked but every time it played, any time of the day, I jumped out of my seat startled. It scared the poop out of me. It was fun to watch, and so visitors were doing it all the time just to see me jump.

I shut it down. Today, with some helpful suggestions I discovered the joys of IFTTT and figured out how to make it work to trigger my Lava Lamps silently on and off. I’m super happy, and also surprised it was so hard to find. I would have expected this would have been an easy project.

It was super hard to find anything online that used words and terms I was familiar enough to figure out. There didn’t seem to be anyone else talking about it. A web link or button to control a smart device. To me, that seemed like an obvious need.
Today, my need was resolved, and I finally got a WEB BUTTON/LINK to turn on my Lava Lamps! Finally. No more crappy breaking X10 boxes for me. I can now control any of my smart devices from the web/Wordpress. Only the Lava Lamps are on the website for now. Who knows what I’ll add now that I know how easy it is.
I’ll be describing it in more detail in a future post. For now, I am happy it’s done. My last 2018 project, just hours before the year turns into a new one.
This was the secret. Webhooks and IFTTT. I’ve never looked into them before.