Happy ish eve. January 1st is my favourite of the holidays. It’s not based on religion, no gift exchange, and it has less reason to be depressed.
It’s not totally free of depression but I’m getting better at that. I reflect on the year and celebrate that I didn’t die or get sick yet. I managed to put off having to deal with the consequences of age or my drug use, or any of the other horrible things I’ve put off that will eventually catch up with me unless I die first.
I don’t really use the new year for resolutions because that leads to disappointment. I treat January 1st like a super Monday. The first day of the rest of my life. It is a lap I’m happy I accomplished and the points don’t matter.
There isn’t anything I’m going to work on changing. I’m content with me at this stage of the game, and that’s always been the bar I strive for. It’s a complex world and expecting each year to be great is almost an impossible goal. Being content is a big deal. I spent was too many years of senseless mental misery.
I don’t plan ahead because I live a life of instant gratification and planning ruins that, so I am content with occasional highs and less lows and call the average a win. I toss the negativity over my wall of tomorrow and celebrate on January 1st every year that wall doesn’t burst.
Some call it risky but ignoring the bad things in life makes living a race, and if the wall breaks before I die, then at least all the bad things I didn’t have to worry about or deal with are all bad at once, and if it holds till I die, in a way that makes life win-win.
Ignoring things and hoping they go away has served me well so far. January 1st is the lap I can celebrate having passed each year with the wall still holding. I do my best not to think about that day, or any of the things waiting on that side. The wall of tomorrow is fear free with the understanding that tomorrow is always at least one day away. The best I can hope for is another year.
I do my very best to live within the concept of instant gratification, always choosing things that keep me happy when a choice presents that possibilty, and letting the universe decide the rest. That takes the responsibility off me for the consequences of life.
I live every day,, and every year with the hoajs that drive me.
I accept and adapt, and try not to bother anybody or be in the way. If I fail at either part of that, the other part usually covers it.
I live alone inside my head and interact as needed and after 62 laps in the race, I’ve become happier with that. Life is a fascinating spectator sport. I don’t do much I don’t enjoy doing and not everyone has that luxury. When it fails me, I accept and adapt.
I navigate my instant gratification route back to contentment and do something I enjoy. Inside my bedroom or inside my head.
Either that, or I sleep.
I don’t need to make it to midnight anymore and when I do, I’ll not bother going to sleep. I’ll be up all night doing something I enjoy in the support of instant gratification.