A late night chat session where I started my weed-ramble and info dump. I felt a bit bad because I ran away from our time together abrumptly – as is my way.
[continued chat]
I had to clean up dog stuff because Doug was coming home first thing in the morning so my 4pm chores got done around 6pm which is fine, but that is another ADHD thing. time-blindness. I obcess over missed deadline a bit. Overall it had nothing to do with you at all. I just freak out after 4 hours of anything.
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Don’t be. Its one of many things that make me “interesting” instead of weird. hehehe
My life has lots of mottos, quote, chants and philosophies. I like to accept and adapt to change rather than making the desisions myself. I ride the current instead of steering
I have not slept.
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I understand it is fairly easy for me to stay happy. I’ve lived through all my hard life stuff so many timesthat now I don’t have to worry about most of it. I don’t really worry about anything these days. I realize you are in a different place in your life story. I can’t begin to imagine what life is like for you. It’s nice to have a distraction in person and not think about those things for a few hours. I am not used to being high around people so my adhd brain is running on full, except meth-ized high speed and it is exhausting. I am normally aware of myself but on these drugs it was a lotand I run away. … edibles tonight. I feel thm knocing at my brain. Full effect soon. Anyway, I’m not saying we won’t hang out again. Just not as often as we’d like. This message was affected by weed edibles and may not reflect the opinions of the typist.
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I have been playing with Snapchat filters for a while tonight. I spin the wheel of focus. Tonight it landed on Snapchat. I have to get creative and play on this for a week and then not again for a long time. I flip flop between positive and negative and absurd scenarios in my head about life on weed but I try to channel that into something silly and immature, pg version. A whole life I avoided by not fitting in with the cigarette smokers. Inspiration. I’m off to record my newest… It’s ok I’m back. I forgot it. I was mixing serious with silly. Two audiences seldom meet in the lobby. Pride is not a sin. It can be a solution. I believe all my troubles were because I didn’t understand several things that made me different, but I could never understand why I was so bad at so many things. So many things that I stopped trying without giving it time. I started knowing I would fail or not be good at it and I don’t like being seen as dumb. It became vital I never be dumb in public unless it’s for the big. Oops. I forgot it was chat.
But pride isn’t chemical and I discovered the concept of pride for me was easy once I learned my value is in not being like everyone else. I have self pride in things because I create it through creating things I am proud of. Ding. Realization lightbulb. It just made sense why people create art and really don’t care if you like it. Artists have the best rules in society. You don’t have to approve art personally for it to exist.opinions about art are as demanded as your top 10 facts about AI content generated facts about Brooms or camels. Hiding behind masks so I’m not the one to blame and your bias and opinion are disposable. The ones that review me could set my gloom for more than a day. Or not. What were talking about? Oh look a zeppelin. I’m still typing here feeling the freedom I feel about sharing with you despite obvious signs I may have chosen poorly, I choose instant gratification of someone cool with stories and is a compatible activity partner match. I have a few more activity afternoons left before my negative voice returns from his drug nap and is back to thank me I didn’t share everything with the world and then obsess over the fact is I can see both outcomes scenarios of how I lose interest in people quickly unless it’s more fun than concern or worry. I’ve hung out with 24 year olds and as they turn on to 25 year olds, a lot changes I’ve been in with friends is an abnormal amount I just realized. Age gaps are better because every day you can showcase something cool to someone who had never seen something. New things give me dopamine. I’m off to up. Just let me know if I need to apologize for too many thoughts in reaction say the word and I’ll never do it again. This is for my blog.
Oh good. I got confused in Snapchat thinking I didn’t send these to you and I assumed bad things if I didn’t know I might have sent it to.
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That’s been a pattern. Most of my friends were women because they can tell I’m not trying to get into their pants with every conversation. I had 3 great women dealers and one even came to my house regularly during COVID.. she was the only human I saw four those two years.